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GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE MAY 15, 1998
TORONTO
2nd Annual Pride Tour Saturday, June 27 through Monday, June 29
Includes: Round trip motorcoach transportation, two nights downtown Toronto accommodations near all Pride Day activities, Casino Niagara, refreshments and activities en route.
*Price based on quad occupancy Dbl.$199/Tpl. $179 / Sgl. $269
To Register Call:
Cleveland Area
(216) 818-PRIDE (7743)
Akron Area
(330) 914-TOUR (8687)
including Casino Niagara
$169
N.E.O. Pride Tours
Lakefruar Lions ICCMS12139
Get Out From Under Your Sink and Leave the Plumbing to...
Joe's Plumbing
Handling all aspects of residential plumbing •Gay Owned & Operated •24 Hour Service Available 10% Off If You Mention this Ad!!
216/961-6086
Pager 216/590-7734
LIVE AT THE 5¢ DECISION!!
May 16th
THE SHAMP Saturday B00CIE SWQUEENS
The Bad Girls
of Blues
Show starts at 10pm $5 Cover Goes to the Band
with opening act:
Trisha, Heather and Steph
EVERY FIRST & THIRD FRIDAY!
Boot Scootin' Country Night with DJ Doug
BOOKS
Author gives us glimpses of his rather strange life
Alec Baldwin Doesn't Love Me
and Other Trials From
"My Queer Life"
by Michael Thomas Ford
Alyson, $10.95
Reviewed by Kaizaad Kotwal
In the astute and witty tradition of Art Buchwald and Erma Bombeck comes a collection of essays by gay author Michael Thomas Ford, written through the perspective of rainbow-colored glasses. Ford's keenly observant book follows the style and format of his monthly column “My Queer Life."
Ford's introductory note is a good indication of the quirky and queer roller coaster ride set forth in his book.
He writes, "Truth is almost always stranger than fiction, and I have often been told that I have a very strange life, although to me it has generally seemed perfectly ordinary. This, of course, is the paradox of having odd experiences--you don't realize how truly offthey are until you tell someone else about them and then see that look of disbelief staring back at you."
Of the 29 essays, almost all are funny, and
"I've heard people say that being queer doesn't affect how you view the world. I beg to differ.
11
every single one offers up a unique look at growing up gay and living in straight America. While not every essay is overtly about gay issues, it is obvious that these essays offer a particular point of view.
As Ford tells us, "I've heard people say that being queer doesn't affect how you view the world. I beg to differ."
Some of the standout essays in the book include real-life personas such as Alec Baldwin, Martha Stewart and porn star Ryan Idol.
In "Diary of a Would-Be Porn Star," Ford paints a side-splitting tale of his attempt to recreate sexual situations from porno movies in his real life. He observes, "None of the things I saw in the [porn] movies ever happened to me. When I took my dog for a walk, no handsome man asked me if I needed help burying my bone. When I returned books to the library, the shy man behind the desk didn't follow me into the periodicals section and show me his Dewey decimal system. It just didn't happen."
In "Too Much of a Good Thing," Ford skewers Martha Stewart about her unique ability to turn normally original-thinking people into lemming-like consumers. Ford seeks salvation from Stewart's neuroses by joining M.A.-Martha Anonymous.
Kim Basinger is spared no sharp-tongued barb as the only thing standing between Ford and Alec Baldwin's blissful union as husband and man.
"Kim Basinger, of course, became my
Michael Thomas Ford
BECKET LOGAN
enemy" Ford laments. “I rented her movies searching them for some sign of the elusive quality possessed by the shameless hussy who had stolen my husband right out from under me."
Ford also explodes certain gay myths: He hates shopping, can't understand the logic or popularity of musicals, and loves sports. And while Ford attacks the straight world for its ignorance and hypocrisy towards gays and lesbians, he doesn't spare the queer world its share of criticism and satire.
"Just One of the Girls" is probably one of the most poignant essays in the book. In it, Ford tells the story of how stuck on, fake bakes and fab abs the gay male world is. When he and his lesbian friend Mary went to a dance during Pride weekend in New York, "more than once a dancing beauty would take a break from posing and come ask Mary if she was a 'real' girl. Instead of feeling part of a community, she felt like an intruder."
On the flip side of the coin, Ford tells of his experience as one of a handful of gay men at a lesbian event, where he was accepted with open arms and more open hearts. Ford concludes from that experience, "I never really thought about why it is that lesbians and gay men do so few things together. Now I know. Just like in junior high, when they suddenly grew six inches and developed breasts way before we needed to shave or wear jock straps, the girls are still waiting for the boys to catch up.”
The beauty of this book is that it grows on you and tickles your funny bone or strikes a chord in your heart when you least expect it. Everyone should crawl under the covers with Ford-even if Alec Baldwin won't be there!
Ford will be appearing at An Open Book, 761 N. High Street in Columbus, on Friday, May 29 at 7 p.m. The event will include readings by the author, a discussion with the audience and a book signing. For more information call 614-291-0080.
EVERY THURSDAY!!!
hissy fit
Post Post-Modern Eclectic Indle-Rawk for Gay Boys & Girris. the tantrum starts at 10pm
5¢ DECISION
4365 State Rd Cleveland (216)661-1314 21& Over Only
Massage Therapy
Steven Skowron, LMT
Licensed Massage Therapist
"Experience the power of human touch."
Antone F. Feo, Ph.D. & Associates, Inc. 24500 Center Ridge Rd Bldg 4 Ste 100 Westlake Ohio 44145 216/899-1300